Tag Archives: apocalypse

Apocalypse, Part 2, and An Ode Most Deserving

Ok, so just after posting my spiel about the apocalypse, we found ourselves in a rather apocalyptic situation:  FLOODING OF ALL THE ROADS EVERYWHERE.  We were driving from our village in Fife to see The Husband’s family in Perth.  What is usually a 30-minute scenic journey became an hour and a half of white-knuckled danger (with subsequent adrenalin high and slightly hysterical laughter!).

It’s the typical problem of snow that hasn’t really melted, plus torrential rain and wind.  Drains aren’t clear, rivers and lochs break their banks, and driving becomes much more of an extreme sport than you’d bargained for.

But through it all, there is a hero of the hour.  And this is for her:

To Our Tiny Purple Car

 

Edna scoffs at danger –

Ha! She fear it not –

When hills are steep

And ways are fraught.

 

Every peril in our path

From snow to mud

Rain, potholes, ice

And the latest – flood!

 

We saw the road ahead

Choked by nearby loch

Its waters run over-ground

But Edna laughed and mocked.

 

Call this a flood?!

She seem’d to say

Her engine roaring

Like a lupine bay.

 

And indeed, like a puddle

Over which we soar’d,

Past loch, hill and field

and through a nearby ford.

 

Ahead a sign warns:

Flood! and others heed

By slowing to a crawl

But not our steed!

 

Aha! She cries

Revving high

While others crawl

Edna flies!

 

Across this inland lake

Others stop and stare

Too timid by far

Too afraid to dare.

 

But Edna, laughing still,

Says, You Dolts and Fools!

Your chassis is taller than I

To take you across these pools!

 

And thus we exited

Back onto drier street

Shaming those onlookers

Into attempting the same feat.

 

And so my advice to you,

If the Apocalypse is truly nigh:

Find yourself a Nissan dealership

And a Micra you should buy.

True story.

To Our Tiny Purple Car

 

Edna scoffs at danger –

Ha! She fear it not –

When hills are steep

And ways are fraught.

 

Every peril in our path

From snow to mud

Rain, potholes, ice

And the latest – flood!

 

We saw the road ahead

Choked by nearby loch

Its waters run over-ground

But Edna laughed and mocked.

 

Call this a flood?!

She seem’d to say

Her engine roaring

Like a lupine bay.

 

And indeed, like a puddle

Over which we soar’d,

Past loch, hill and field

and through a nearby ford.

 

Ahead a sign warns:

Flood! and others heed

By slowing to a crawl

But not our steed!

 

Aha! She cries

Revving high

While others crawl

Edna flies!

 

Across this inland lake

Others stop and stare

Too timid by far

Too afraid to dare.

 

But Edna, laughing still,

Says, You Dolts and Fools!

Your chassis is taller than I

To take you across these pools!

 

And thus we exited

Back onto drier street

Shaming those onlookers

Into attempting the same feat.

 

And so my advice to you,

If the Apocalypse is truly nigh:

Find yourself a Nissan dealership

And a Micra you should buy.

It’s The End of the World As We Know It – and do I feel fine?

Let’s talk about the APOCALYPSE!  Firstly, birds falling from the sky in various places around the world (although reports now say at least some of them were incidents of avian drunkenness), Sri Lanka, Brazil and Australia are all recovering from massive flood devastation, riots in Tunisia disturb westerner’s holidays, and oh yes, the “news” that (2,000 years ago, mind you) the zodiac signs have changed!

OMG IF I KNEW I WAS AN ARIES ALL THIS TIME, MY LIFE WOULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH BETTER!!!!!

Kinda makes you want to join up with some conspiracy theorists, don’t it?

So with all this, and reading China Mieville’s Kraken, I’m sort of convinced the world is ending.  Especially as today’s weather has turned into rather biblical gale-force rainstorms.  But how does thinking the world is ending actually affect us?

Lots of us have been known to use the terms “Snowpocalypse” or “Snowmaggedon” in recent instances of intense snowfall.  And it amuses us to make that jokey reference.  So are we becoming blase about the idea of the end of the world?

Personally, I have a particular soft spot for disaster movies.  Especially really terrible ones and sort-of-laughable-but-secretly-awesome ones (The Core, 2012, The Day After Tomorrow, Deep Impact, etc).  Why do we get such a kick out of seeing the world destroyed?  Are we a little bit titillated by getting to sit back and watch it happen – voyeuristically turned on by the thought of everything we know getting blown to smithereens as we watch, safely, behind a tv screen?

Of course we do!

Some people might try to tell you they watch these types of films to see how humanity bands together in crisis, to see everyone come together for a common cause, heartwarming and hopeful in the face of such terror.

They’re lying.  They like to see shit get blown up, too.  It’s the human condition.

So when we get excited about “Snowmageddon”, that’s our adrenalin pumping us full of impetus to handle the encroaching possibility of danger.  And when we watch the Statue of Liberty fall into the sea for the bazillionth time, we inwardly thrill at the idea of it all.  Obviously we don’t really want to have to deal with the subsequent issues of a major world crisis, but that first feeling is an inevitable high, a rush that heralds the survival instinct.

So if indeed the End is Nigh – how do you feel?